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[hep's mom ]   
05:23pm 09/10/2014
  Sorry to announce, but Mr Hep left this world today from unknown cancer. I loved him dearly and he was a spectacular ball of mean and loveable fluff. I will miss him and I hope all the catparents who still read LJ are doing well and have healthy pets. Hep would have glared at you in disdain if he were here today. Love you all.  
02:41pm 23/11/2004
mood: cat
The val let us use the computer today. I meant to tell you about the most horrible things that entered my home, but it was much too frustrating.

Marvel at my pretty.Collapse )
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08:34pm 27/04/2004
  I come home to relax after a busy day of doing cat-things, and they take a picture.
Sigh.Collapse )
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Myarry Christmas   
03:47pm 23/12/2003
  Merry Christmas Kittys!
And hairless apes. You can merry, too. Please give me a bird.

I tried to arrange for a special Christmas photo, but things did not work out. Blame the val.
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Hairless things vex me   
11:08pm 21/12/2003
  The val made me stop doing this.

I was just getting the things out that were in. There were many things that needed to be out. You can see some of them around me. I was in the process of liberating some corn chips when I was rudely interrupted.
As you can see, however, I am looking good, and well fed. The val should enjoy me, and appreciate all the work I do around here.
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Who is that calling me?   
12:25pm 19/12/2003
  the_pharaoh found this. He is annoying me with it, but you may find it amusing.

Cat song, with song in it. That link has a song in it. A cat song. So, do not click there if you do not want to hear a cat song.

Personally, I prefer Norah Jones or Etta James. The val (raditzsex) has some kind of other songs and she says it's 'songs for cats'. It should be songs for kittens, as we cats are sophisticated jazz aficionados.
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04:28pm 18/12/2003
  I am fine. Thank you for respecting my aloofness. I do value all of my friends, especially those who do not live in my house.

Yesterday, the_pharaoh got into my secret room. Luckily, he wasn't keen on it. The val is gone a lot, and so I am actually quite grateful that I have a brother now, so that I am not bored. It really has been fun locking him out of the room and hassling him.
The val tried to prevent us from locking others out by placing a pillow in front of the door. We moved it to the bathroom. We opened the bathroom cabinets and removed the useless things she keeps in there with that pillow.
She got wise and put a box of things at the entrance to the secret room. I will have to find some other location from which to hassle my little brother.

In other news, I want to say hello to the lovely de_poemels ladies. I hope you will add me as a friend.
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Thank goodness   
11:21am 10/12/2003
  I have just given the_pharaoh a livejournal, so that he can do something aside from hassle me. He will get the computer in a minute to update his journal, but right now it is mine.

I have discussed the sending of Christmas cards with raditzsex, but she seems to think I want ham. Which I do. She says that she barely remembers to send her closest friends an e-card for the holidays, so it would be near impossible for her to send some to my friends. She is mean, but she gave me ham.
I have no new pictures of me, on account of she is always doing stuff. She gets up early in the morning to sit with me on the couch, but other than that, she does stuff.
I will update more later, when I am not being hassled by those smaller than me. But in case I forget, have a happy holidays all you cats! You hairless apes would have a happy holiday if you gave ham to cats. Go do that now.
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Hairless apes are hyper   
11:00pm 10/11/2003
  The val is all separating us and stuff because the baby cat is ill. She told me "He's not feeling well, can't you tell he's warmer than you?"
Hey, if I was warmer, I'd be feeling better. Why does she think we sit in the sun all day? The baby cat won't play, either. He let me bathe him, though. He's shinier now. I don't know why he refuses to play with me. He must be having an aloofness. Now I'm locked in the back room! For what? It's the other cat that won't play! The val is hyper.
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It's all good   
08:44pm 03/11/2003
mood: hyper
I have decided that the small cat is not so bad. In fact, he makes me look rather cute.
Here I am, looking especially cute!Collapse )
The fleshy thing behind us is an arm and a leg of the val. We were all sitting on the sofa after chasing the red light thing. The val has it, and she makes a red light that we have to catch.
The pharoah (that is the small cat) does not realize it is controlled by the val. Me, I am in Advanced Optics. I know that there is not another cat in the mirror, and that the light comes from the small pen in the val's hand. I am a smart kitty.
Her friend came over. He smelled like cat, but not one of us. They took the pharoah somewhere then brought him back. The little red light game is so addictive.
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The eternal struggle continues   
12:11pm 22/10/2003
mood: annoyed

(the val made this picture. That is her lunch, not mine.)
As you can see, I am plagued daily by this small demon. The val provided each of us with delicious sustenance, but that little annoyance preferred to harass me instead of partaking. My only hope is to convince him to join me in my struggle against cat oppression. Or world domination. Either works for me.
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12:59am 14/10/2003
  As you can see in the following photo, I went on a rampage in the city recently.

I am not sure why they only sent out biplanes to me. I wanted a jet. What I did not know at the time of this photo is that the biplanes transform into little robots! One of them transformed into a little robot of Cap'n Crunch! I tried to kill him with my face, but the wily Cap'n escaped me yet again. Note to travelers: avoid Tokyo on Tuesdays.

In other news, I have a brother now. The val still keeps us separated most of the time. It is offensive, as I am more than capable of defending myself against him. He is smaller than I am! He purrs a lot. Eventually he will come around to my way of thinking, and together we will destroy the Cap'n.

Shh! I hear something.
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I tawt I saw a puddy tat   
11:16am 04/10/2003
  I did! I did! It is in the small one's room. I was playing paw-under-the-door with it. Then they let it out, and it wanted to play. I hit it a few times, to make sure it was real. It just looked at me. It was basking in my glory. Then it sat down, and I sniffed it. It is a boy. It is also a cat. I believe it to be my friend, but the val keeps it in the small one's room. Let it out!  
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What's a "Wenzday"?   
01:21pm 30/09/2003
mood: curious
The val said I will get a sibling on wenzday. Sibling sounds like a kind of meat, so I'm assuming wenzday is some kind of bread or pasta. I don't smell any new foods, yet. When will I get the meat?
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Nearly forgot   
04:16am 24/09/2003
mood: diabolical
In my fervent hatred of the Cap'n, I nearly forgot to tell you. I have been working on the Purr of Doom machine. I am constructing it in the small one's room while she is away, which is why the door is closed save for a plastic dinosaur.

Please do not remove the plastic dinosaur as it is integral to our plans.
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I hate Cap'n Crunch   
04:09am 24/09/2003
  It's a fickle day. First, the val was asleep. Then, she was awake. First, I was cuddly. Then, I was irritable. Then I was aloof, then I was cuddly again, then I chased a ball all over the house and got into the trash. Now I'm bitey and loud.

See, I hate Cap'n Crunch. There's a big box of it over here, and I hate it. I hate the box. And I hate the Cap'n. I'm going to kill him while the val sleeps. Right now I'm just toying with him, with my claws of doom. But later I shall kill him with my face.

He would kill me first if he had the chance. I hate him.
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I have not posted in awhile   
05:45pm 20/09/2003
mood: working
The val was ill. I don't know what was wrong, but she walked slowly and slept a lot. I didn't know she was sick at first, and I jumped on her, and she yelled, and it scared me, so I bit her, then she pushed me, so I bit her again really hard, and gooey red stuff came out. Then she walked really slowly to the sink and washed it off and put a sticker on, then she walked really slowly to the small one's room and closed the door. She was all sad. I didn't mean to make her all sad, and then I realized that she was sick, so I forgave her for oozing red goo on me.
She's all better now, thanks to me. She mentioned something about a friend for me, but I'm not sure what she's talking about.

I like potato chips.
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02:17pm 05/09/2003
  You see, there is a portal to another dimension on the back of the small one's door. In this alternate dimension lives another quite handsome cat. Normally I would just let him go about his business. But he mimics me. And I hate it! Why won't he stop mimicking me? He thinks he is as handsome as me. That's what it is. He is very jealous.

Can you blame him?

So, I went on the offensive, and ended up closing the door, and trapping myself in the room of toys! It seemed like I was in there forever, but finally the val came home and released me. The worst part is that the imposter never ceased to mock me. It is as if he planned it all along. Perhaps he controlled the door.

I decided this required experimentation. I needed to know who was controlling things. So, first, I started in the Room of Bowl Water. It has two bowls, and one of them is always filled with water. The other one is only occasionally watered, but it is clearly a water bowl. I pretended there was a cat on the other side, and pawed at it. Sure enough, the door closed. (Note that I made sure to do this thing when the val was home, so that she could release me immediately.) It appeared that I was in control. To make sure this was not a fluke, I had to duplicate the experiment. So, I went into the Room of Loud Water. I do not know how it works, but loud water comes from the wall. I fear it, yet I am entranced by it. I did the same thing, and got the same results.

Conclusion: It is I who controls the doors. The imposter has no power in my world. Mwuahahaha! I will stop him someday.
05:13am 02/09/2003
mood: satisfied
I forgot to mention that I managed to free myself of the bell. I can now slink with confidence and bathe gracefully again.

And yes, I do mention bathing often. It is very important to me to be clean! This is why you envy me -- my beautiful fur, and my luxurious tail. I am a kitten Adonis!

Mortals! Gaze upon my godlike form!Collapse )
I Have Killed!   
08:10pm 30/08/2003
mood: accomplished
Yes! My first kill! It was some kind of flying bug thing. And I killed it! Haha! You should have seen me, I ran all over the living room, and eventually chased it into the kitchen! Then I chose the perfect spot for an ambush... I waited until I could see the whites of it's little weird hairs, then I pounced! And I won!

The Hepcat. Ridding the world of little hairy bug evil since 2003.